In all my years of pageant experience from competing to directing to judging, there is one consistency I’ve experienced, judging is subjective. Yes, there are things you can do to improve and have a better chance at that crown but in the end one judge could like her green dress over your blue one. Does that make pageants unfair? No, absolutely not. It just makes it, as I said before, subjective. There are certain elements you can’t control. You have control of your walk, your poise, your confidence, all the things that make you, you. So, if you end up not winning that crown, you need to control your emotions and remember all you can do is improve yourself. All to become a better you and possibly a future title holder. The picture above is an example of me losing with grace, ha. I’m in orange and the winner, Dionne Tarter Mrs. Washington America 2015 is in red. As you can see I’m truly happy as were the other women competing. It’s important to show your audience and judges you are a queen win or lose. Below is a list of seven things you, as a competitor can do to lose with grace and dignity.

    1. Never, ever, under any circumstance bad mouth the current title holder. First, it’s tasteless, ugly, and makes you look like a sore loser. Bad mouthing her won’t change the outcome. Plus, there is a chance if you compete again that the judges the next time may know her. I have been involved with many pageants where the title holder makes suggestions for judges. Don’t be the girl that already has a disadvantage before even walking in.
    2. It’s okay to be upset. Yes, grieve your loss. It’s normal and acceptable to be upset. Just wait until you’re alone or with close friends. Don’t do it on stage or at the after party. You will be looked at poorly even though many others in the room feel the same way.
    3. Don’t question your choices. If you gave it everything you had and still lost don’t question your color choice. Own it. Know you gave it your all and it just wasn’t your year. Your color choice may have been perfect.
    4. DON’T EVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER CONTESTANTS. Once a pageant sister said to me, “I should have won. I walked better, I had a better gown, and I’m so great at interview.” Her entire idea of how to win was based on how others were doing. How others do, has nothing to do with your performance or your score. It’s important you are the best you, not better than everyone else. The judges can sense the difference between real confidence and false competitive confidence. It will show and affect your chance at winning.
    5. Don’t bring others down in your misery. The first time I ever competed I approached an upset fellow pageant sister who was first runner up. I decided to console her by saying (in a cheery tone) you got first runner up, I didn’t even place top ten. She then said, you shouldn’t have. I was blown away and heartbroken. I wasn’t expecting to win but to be told I didn’t deserve it was unnecessary. All she accomplished by saying that was the loss of my support.
    6. Enjoy the after-party if there is one. Don’t skip out on a party because you didn’t win. Honestly, the after-party can be the best part of the pageant. You get to let loose. Talk to judges who could possibly provide feedback, and finally eat that giant cheeseburger you’ve been avoiding. Skipping the party doesn’t do anything but help you miss out on a great time you deserve for all your hard work.
    7. Always thank your director and judges. They may not have chosen you this time but they may have loved you. In fact, one judge may have given you their highest scores. There is a lot of pressure on judges to make the best choice. Show them you’re a great competitor and thank them for their time. It is greatly appreciated and remembered. I’ve seen judges return. As far as your director, they put a lot of time into that show, a small gesture of even a thank you goes a long way.

In the end, be the person everyone wishes they were. Who knows it may even make the judges question their decision.